NARCISTIC PARENTS

Narcissism
10 Common Traits of People With Narcissist Parents
Narcissistic caregivers can leave survivors struggling with these traits.
Posted July 2, 2024 | Reviewed by Ray Parker
THE BASICS
Key points
- Growing up with narcissistic caregivers can be traumatic due to dysfunctional behavior patterns experienced.
- These experiences can lead many survivors to develop personality traits due to adversity.
- Acknowledging these common traits, if applicable, can help empower survivors to break the cycle of trauma.

Source: Image by Goran Horvat from Pixabay
Brielle grew up in a household where love was conditional and validation was scarce. Her parents, consumed by their own needs and desires, were quick to criticize and slow to offer praise.
From a young age, Brielle learned that her worth was tied to her ability to please others, constantly striving for perfection in hopes of earning their approval. However, no matter how hard she tried, it was never enough. Her parents’ relentless demands left her feeling inadequate and unworthy, fostering a deep-seated sense of self-doubt and insecurity that followed her into adulthood.
As Brielle entered her teenage years, the emotional abuse intensified. Her parents’ manipulation and gaslighting tactics made her question her own reality, leaving her feeling confused and invalidated.
Despite her efforts to assert her boundaries and advocate for herself, she was met with dismissal and disdain, further eroding her sense of self-worth. As a result, Brielle found herself trapped in a cycle of toxic relationships, seeking validation and love in all the wrong places.
Now, as an adult, Brielle struggles to break free from the grip of her narcissistic upbringing. She grapples with feelings of guilt and self-doubt, constantly second-guessing her decisions and choices. In her quest for love and acceptance, she finds herself repeating the same patterns of seeking validation from others, only to be met with disappointment and heartache.
As a therapist who specializes in working with survivors of traumatic families, as well as a survivor myself, I find that many of my clients were raised by one or more caregivers with narcissistic tendencies. These personality traits influenced their development, often leading to specific personality traits that likely developed as a result of their experiences.
For those raised by narcissistic parents, the healing journey is often fraught with emotional turmoil, self-doubt, and psychological scars that can last a lifetime. Recognizing the signs of narcissistic parenting is crucial in understanding the lasting impact it can have on individuals’ lives in order to begin the process of moving forward in healing and understanding.
While not an exhaustive list, here are 10 of the most common I notice in survivors:
1. Poor self-worth: Growing up with narcissistic parents often results in a lack of self-esteem and confidence, as children may internalize the constant criticism and invalidation they receive, leading to feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy (Min et al., 2007). Despite their best efforts, children of narcissistic parents often feel like they can never measure up to their parent’s unrealistic expectations, leading to a persistent sense of failure and inadequacy, regardless of their accomplishments.
article continues after advertisement
2. Struggles to advocate for self: Children raised by narcissistic parents may struggle to assert their needs and boundaries, as they were often taught to prioritize their parent’s needs and suppress their own desires. I often see this resulting in difficulty advocating for themselves in relationships and situations.
3. Self-critical: The constant scrutiny and high standards imposed by narcissistic parents can lead to internalized self-criticism, where individuals harshly judge themselves, perpetuating a cycle of negative self-talk and perfectionism. Due to the pervasive criticism and blame-shifting, children may develop a constant sense of self-doubt, always second-guessing their actions and feeling responsible for any perceived wrongdoing.
4. Like you don’t deserve love: Growing up with caregivers who rarely show genuine praise or appreciation can result in individuals feeling undeserving of recognition or positive feedback, making it difficult to accept compliments and acknowledge their achievements. Furthermore, this can make survivors weary of those who show love or affection, secretly believing the person’s intentions to be false or manipulative. I notice this trait causes survivors to put up with bad or even abusive behavior from partners because they don’t believe that they deserve better.
5. People-pleasing: Children of narcissistic parents often learn to prioritize pleasing others to gain validation and approval, leading to a pattern of people-pleasing behavior and difficulty setting boundaries in relationships.
Like many of these personality traits, I find that this trait was developed to help survivors cope with their experiences. If they can learn how to please or placate those in power, this can help them navigate a volatile and unpredictable environment more safely. It becomes a survival strategy, allowing them to anticipate and mitigate potential conflicts or emotional outbursts from their narcissistic parent, thereby reducing the risk of emotional or even physical harm. This adaptive behavior may persist into adulthood, shaping their approach to all relationships as they seek to maintain harmony and avoid confrontation at all costs.
article continues after advertisement
6. Frequent feelings of guilt and shame: Manipulative tactics such as guilt-tripping and emotional blackmail from narcissistic parents can instill a pervasive sense of guilt in their children, causing them to feel responsible for their parent’s emotions and actions (Marici et al., 2023). This can continue in adulthood, leading to feelings of guilt or shame that remain prominent, affecting survivors’ self-worth as a partner, parents, employees, and other areas of their lives.
7. More likely to have unhealthy romantic relationships: Growing up in a dysfunctional family dynamic characterized by manipulation and emotional abuse can predispose individuals to seek out similar dynamics in their romantic relationships, perpetuating a cycle of toxicity and codependency. Many of my clients have patterns of unhealthy relationships where they repeat unhealthy patterns learned in childhood.
8. Constant fears of abandonment: Narcissistic parents often use threats of abandonment or withdrawal of love to control their children, leading to a deep-seated fear of rejection and abandonment in adulthood, impacting their ability to trust and form secure attachments. Fears of abandonment run deep in many survivors and affect everything from our relationships to our ability to maintain friendships.
9. Likely to self-medicate with food or substances: Coping with the emotional pain and trauma inflicted by narcissistic parents may lead individuals to engage in maladaptive coping mechanisms such as emotional eating or substance abuse as a way to numb their feelings and escape reality (Khoury et al., 2010). While self-medicating is by no means exclusive to family trauma, I find it is pervasive among this survivor community.
10. Early sexual behavior: The lack of boundaries and emotional neglect in narcissistic families may lead children to seek validation and intimacy through premature or risky sexual behavior, as they may equate love and attention with physical affection. Research shows a link between early sexual behavior and survivors of traumatic or abusive families (Thompson et al., 2016).
article continues after advertisement
If you notice yourself in some or all of the above, recognize that self-awareness of our experiences is the first step in healing and breaking the cycle of family trauma. With awareness, you can begin the process of moving forward.
Facebook image: Bilanol/Shutterstock
LinkedIn image: Prostock-studio/Shutterstock
References
Thompson R, Lewis T, Neilson EC, English DJ, Litrownik AJ, Margolis B, Proctor L, Dubowitz H. (2016). Child Maltreatment and Risky Sexual Behavior. Child Maltreat. 2017 Feb;22(1):69-78. doi: 10.1177/1077559516674595.
Khoury L, Tang YL, Bradley B, Cubells JF, Ressler KJ. (2010). Substance use, childhood traumatic experience, and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder in an urban civilian population. Depress Anxiety. 2010 Dec;27(12):1077-86.
Min M, Farkas K, Minnes S, Singer LT.(2007). Impact of childhood abuse and neglect on substance abuse and psychological distress in adulthood. J Trauma Stress.
Marici, M., Clipa, O., Runcan, R., & Pîrghie, L. (2023). Is Rejection, Parental Abandonment or Neglect a Trigger for Higher Perceived Shame and Guilt in Adolescents?. Healthcare (Basel, Switzerland), 11(12), 1724. https://doi.org/10.3390/healthcare11121724
About the Author

Online:
Kaytee Gillis, LCSW-BACS, Facebook, X, LinkedIn, Instagram
advertisement
Narcissism Essential Reads


3 Questions That Could Give Away a Narcissist

What Do Narcissists and the Socially Anxious Have in Common?


Why Narcissists Can’t Stand to Be Seen as Weak
advertisement
Find a Narcissistic Personality (NPD) Therapist
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today.

Cities:
- Atlanta, GA
- Austin, TX
- Baltimore, MD
- Boston, MA
- Brooklyn, NY
- Charlotte, NC
- Chicago, IL
- Columbus, OH
- Dallas, TX
- Denver, CO
- Detroit, MI
- Houston, TX
- Indianapolis, IN
- Jacksonville, FL
- Las Vegas, NV
- Los Angeles, CA
- Louisville, KY
- Memphis, TN
- Miami, FL
- Milwaukee, WI
- Minneapolis, MN
- Nashville, TN
- New York, NY
- Oakland, CA
- Omaha, NE
- Philadelphia, PA
- Phoenix, AZ
- Pittsburgh, PA
- Portland, OR
- Raleigh, NC
- Sacramento, CA
- Saint Louis, MO
- San Antonio, TX
- San Diego, CA
- San Francisco, CA
- San Jose, CA
- Seattle, WA
- Tucson, AZ
- Washington, DC
Are you a Therapist? Get Listed Today
More from Kaytee Gillis, LCSW

Domestic Violence
3 Min Read
Why LGBTQ Victims Are at Greater Risk of Domestic Abuse
LGBTQ victims are at an increased risk for domestic abuse.

Gender
4 Min Read
Why Do So Many Dislike Small Talk?
Many people dislike small talk due to it feeling tedious and unnecessary to them.

Trauma
3 Min Read
Your Body Remembers Trauma, Even Decades Later
Many survivors of trauma and violence find that they suffer from physical and emotional symptoms years after.

Adverse Childhood Experiences
4 Min Read
When Abuse Survivors Are Shamed for Speaking Out
Many survivors who speak out about abuse they experienced end up scapegoated and shamed for their honesty.
More from Psychology Today

Narcissism
2 Min Read
The 12 Rules of a Dysfunctional Narcissistic Family
Narcissistic homes often have unspoken rules of engagement that dictate interactions among family members.

Narcissism
4 Min Read
7 Ways Covert Narcissist Parents Groom Children for Abuse
Kind to be cruel? Is your “nice” parent killing you softly?

Self Tests
3 min
Is your partner a narcissist?

Narcissism
5 Min Read
In Love With a Narcissist? 6 Ways to Make It Work
Loving a narcissist can be rewarding as well as difficult. These ideas can help.

Narcissism
6 Min Read
What Is the Most Overlooked Symptom of Narcissism?
Individual therapy may prevent a psychotherapist from diagnosing the key feature of narcissistic dysfunciton.

Narcissism
4 Min Read
7 Signs of a Covert Introvert Narcissist
One of the most common characteristics of an introverted narcissist is a sense of “withdrawn self-centeredness.”

Narcissism
4 Min Read
The Healthy Version of Overthinking
Overthinking can be a good thing if we become more mindful of others’ inner lives.

Narcissism
4 Min Read
4 Rules of a Narcissistic Family
A narcissistic family is one that is led by a narcissistic parent.
About & Policies
Get Help
- Find a Therapist
- Find a Treatment Center
- Find a Psychiatrist
- Find a Support Group
- Find Online Therapy





Psychology Today © 2025 Sussex Publishers, LLC
Find a Therapist
- Get Help
- Find a Therapist
- Find a Treatment Center
- Find a Psychiatrist
- Find a Support Group
- Find Online Therapy
- United States
- Austin, TX
- Brooklyn, NY
- Chicago, IL
- Denver, CO
- Houston, TX
- Los Angeles, CA
- New York, NY
- Portland, OR
- San Diego, CA
- San Francisco, CA
- Seattle, WA
- Washington, DC
Get Help
Mental Health
Personality
Personal Growth
Relationships
Family Life
Do I Need Help?
Student Resources
Talk to Someone
- Find a Therapist
- Find a Treatment Center
- Find a Psychiatrist
- Find a Support Group
- Find Online Therapy
Magazine

Life never gets easier. Fortunately, psychology is keeping up, uncovering new ways to maintain mental and physical health, and positivity and confidence, through manageable daily habits like these. How many are you ready to try?
Tests

Self Tests
Self Tests are all about you. Are you outgoing or introverted? Are you a narcissist? Does perfectionism hold you back? Find out the answers to these questions and more with Psychology Today.
- ADHD Test
- Agreeableness Test
- Anger Management Test
- Assertiveness Test
- Conflict Avoidance Test
- Conscientiousness Test
- Depression Test
- Do I Need Therapy?
- Emotional Intelligence Test
- Emotional Stability Test
- Empathy Test
- Healthy Lifestyle Test
- Introversion / Extroversion Test
- Your Mental Health Today Test
- Neuroticism Test
- Openness to Experience Test
- Relationship Satisfaction Test
- Perfectionism Test
- Romantic Personality Test
- Seasonal Affective Disorder Test
- Self-Esteem Test
- Sexual Openness Test
- Social Anxiety Test
