Wanderings

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Joel Charles Snell

Tranquilizer/4 times a day

It was our time, and we were a tiny part of the historical existence of Ike, JFK, and Dr. King. You are probably convinced by now that Boomers followed the Greatest Generation.

I would like to introduce you to the SILENT GENERATION. We are still around, but we are dying fast. What we did not do is make a lot of history. Our first president from our generation is Joe Biden.

The important thing is that the Greatest Generation did real things. Many fought in a (using a Military term) a sacred war. There was little dissent that we were attacked by the Japanese. Further, Adolph Hitler declared war on us. Most listened to the radio for the latest report from “over there.” We had paper sales, hid under our desk, and were raised by strict parents, perhaps a bit over looked, but we were there.

I am walking down a street of previous time, that was busy with little kids. Our two sons had friends all through a 4 or 5 block radius. It was an overwhelming experience for me, because the old neighborhood was completely refurbished.

I looked up at our sons . They are now middle age men. I was raised under FDR, Truman, and Ike. They had Reagan. Both are in their 50’s. They liked the new “old” neighborhood with its creek, green field, newly repainted or new siding on the little houses.

We don’t know if everyone feels that time is the same. However, it was long ago for me. We lived in the northwest area from 1978 to 1993. Then we moved across the city. So we did not get to see our old house most of the time. However, as a member of the Silents that was 15 years in that area. That is so very little to a society, but a long time for an individual family.

So I will try once more. The SILENT GENERATION born in between 1928-1945 and were folks who were squeezed between the Greatest and the Boomers. We kept our mouths shut and our favorite drug was alcohol.

Without realizing it, the nostalgic time for other Americans was our time without us. When you are faced with possibility of death, you become more candid. The depression and the war sobered folks up to a reality that you could see, feel, think, touch, smell, suffer, and interact. In Peggy Sue Got Married, she was talking with two other friends. After high school, they would get married, have a couple of kids, live on the same street, bowl together, and have barbrques in their back yard. Their expectations were just too perfect and it assumes a stable male who likes kids and is faithful. Plans are not facts. They seem like reality but they are not. Peggy Sue got divorce and had one child. The daughter’s father would visit his child infrequently.

Her father had a new Edsel and Mom warned Peggy of the penis. Dad owned a haberdashery. That means he sold hats like fedoras or a businessmen’s hat. After Kennedy was in office, males generally did not wear hats.

Peggy’s boy friend generally drove around in top speeds that would kill others and himself. He was going to inherit his dad’s record store. Through the mystique of technology, Peggy goes back in time. SILENTS remember when Rock and Roll was young. Right after graduation, Peggy got pregnant.

She was married to a guy that had high hopes . He was a player so he saw Peggy as a trap. Peggy did not know anymore about her future and she went to work as a clerk. She stayed home with her parents. Her husband had a band and played throughout the area where they lived.

Where were you in 62’ teens spend their last summer night chasing sex and cars in a small California town. The movie American Graffiti says most of it all. 1962 is not that far from 1965, However in terms of social change it is a thousand miles. The Boomer 60’s were all summer long. Who best represented that? Well the Beach Boys were “boss.” The last night was a big drag race and then there is a short silence as 4 of the group had different outcomes. One went to Canada, another disappeared, the third died in an auto accident, and the last became an insurance agent. All Summer was translated in a top album by the Beach Boys. It was called Endless Summer, the cover had the 50s mixed with some marijuana distortions.

In a time frame just a few years earlier James Dean had a dysfunctional family. Mom was a piece of work and Dad was diffident. He wore an apron with flowers on it. Dean did not know what it was, but his generation really didn’t have a cause. There were no poster and no protests. What a discovery when we find juvenile delinquency in the suburbs! We will see that he had some bullies to beat and a toxic masculine trial of courage driving over a cliff. Could the neighbors protest that the cliff needed a strong but flexible barrier? Well no, that did not happen. Cliffs are important in this story.

During this time but a few years before, Holden was starting to move into a mid-life crisis. What happened? Holden Caulfield just lost out of the peace time era. As a male of privilege, he did not have the social skills to do much and go somewhere and do something, but it just did not happen. Holden sang silently “I keep lookin’ for a place to live in, where I can speak my mind. I have to prove how I had grown and show how independent I was, but that’s not me.

Perhaps his Dad had the money to make a legacy appointment to a big firm. There were people around him to see that he did not do much but had a nice title.Holden fantasized that he could be a very wise savior and help some children run through tall rye grass. He imagined they could play in the sun and then keep running. One little girl had balloon and it would swirl in the sun. He would stop them from running off the cliff. What was below the cliff was a long drop (metaphorically) into a treeless house of 3oo homes that were built just like his. Most were white. He drove in a car to a nowhere job in a nowhere land. He had kids yelling at him for more stuff and a homecoming queen that started to rag on him almost all the time.

Put on a happy face. Our three stories are wrapped in plastic. We will call it Pleasantville. Everyone has a smile and their outward appearance of happy times was filled with angst. When you are obligated to be happy, you sure can be miserable. The Progress Principle emerged in western civilization in 18^th century. Life is “small wins.” One knows that things will get better when they may not. So they keep pushing and smiling.

There the plastic wrap covered the suffering of the world. However, what can you do about it when you truly live in the richest and strongest country on the planet? Wars and depression takes away a phony smile. You can really emote. You can be a loser however others keep up the Hollywood prop. When there is no one to stop you then you should make it to the top. However, the top is filled with sharks who strongly believe that greed is good.

Incidentally, how many millions/billions would like to be in the Pleasentville neighborhood? If sky is the limit, you have absolutely no one to blame but yourself. That was life in that suburb. Many in the world look upon this Disneyland with envy. Okay, now let’s get serious.

Pop and Soda

Long ago and faraway, humans emerged. The early generations were hunting and gathering where males hunted and females gathered whatever vegetable or plants that was not poison. Both sexes that were big were in the first row to fight the enemy. They wore scary looking apparel .Thus the tribe looked bigger and the women fought just as hard as men. The smartest and toughest alpha had a number of wives. The Betas of both sexes cling to each other. Gays formed marginal couples.

Female’s power temporarily increased with the hoe culture. Women domesticated plants that one could eat. Men went to hunt, but the plant based economy meant that one should stay within the territory.

The animals were tamed to pull plows and mainly males drove them to open up the earth and plant more of whatever would or could survive. On the other hand society did not dramatically change. Women are still on the bottom, but they are climbing. This is the plow culture.

A pastoral society emerges when there are enough of a group of animals to grow or chase down to kill. The tribes were continually on the move. Almost every animal parts were used for something in the struggle to survive.

Agriculture lasted a long time. You know the drill and the last part of agriculture is the stuff of western movies. Except Hollywood made people to be stronger and happier to till the earth and then go to where rugged individuals drank at the bar. Painted ladies kept the men happy with the right amount of money. Folks were tough and the biggest lie of all is that each was totally independent. Upstairs was the brothel where men had sex and beat the women. You got a problem? Let’s go out on main street and the fastest gun gets just about everything.,

Throughout the ages, agriculture prevailed. Little farms became plantations. Later, the plantations need the shops to make tools and related. Then the shops grew bigger and corporations took over. So there were corporate farms and factories.

Since the very beginning of the country, the USA has been in about 40 wars. That includes big ones and little ones. The Silents were but a sneeze and a burp.

Menthol Cigarettes

What is a true American? In Holden’s time, an American was a loyal person who had a special feeling for folks that looked like him. They were white. To be white, you put on a special bleach and you put in on your skin. You made a special effort to cover the arms and face and did not wear any shorts. You dressed like the folks in the suburb. If you had the money you could buy surgery to make your nose smaller and shorter. Without the money, you bought make up and put it on your nose. Or you at least put some whitener on the tip of your of your nose. To downside the lips put on a very light color that matched your face. The color could come from a lip stick.

Brown eyes could be blue by using tinted glasses or eye contact lenses. It’s the human stain that counts. A light tan,blue eyes, and the proper clothing should do. What about your hair? If your hair is kinky, you shave your head and wear a hair piece that has been straight. It should be light, but not blonde.

Buy a car that does not flash. It should or could be a 4 door sedan, but it surely does not stand out. Choose a car that is gray or related. The car should have dull hub caps. Go to the car wash often. Cut your grass often. Be sure that the siding or paint is similar to your neighbors.

Register as a Republican, you don’t need to vote that way. Tell your wife and kids to do good but not outstanding. If possible don’t tell your kids. They think that they are secular Jews.

Don’t put any signs in your yard. Do not have parties .Deny, deny, deny. If you feel that you need to go to church, go to an evangelical church that is large and impersonal. However, you should be distant. If you are in a 12 step group talk only about the subject of the group. Keep pepper gas in your home.

Now that was in Holden’s time. Some things have actually improved so you don’t have to spend as much time “passing.” You may want to work on your accent.

For others of tan background do all the same, but change your last name to something that is Americanized like Smith. White ethnics are folks who came over on the boat and had a 5 syllable name. Change your name. Then blend in.Asians you got it good now. Folks think you are smart and you probably are. So wear clothes like Whites. Change your name and wear tinted glasses.

Crayons

For Holden to fail, he needs others that make it. So how do you make it big (like bigger than life) in a messy world with an underlying order? Well you can make more than others and exactly follow the rules. That’s not Holden. So he can get a job from his dad and live out his life as if he made it. That is also legacy.

He can also change his name and sleep with the homeless. How’s that? Nobody needs to know except his parents who send him some money. Or, he can get a very small apartment and work somewhere that generally pays the bills, but is not too tough. He looks and acts respectable and never brings anybody over to his modest abode.

How about this one? He looks so regular that no one suspects that he traffics drugs? Okay so none of those work. So he joins a reform movement but doing so in a quiet way. All the above, this puts him from the margins. (See Merton’s Paradigm)

Can Holden go catch those kids? Can you do that without looking like a child molester? Society according to Talcott Parsons makes a product, continues to change, stay in touch with each other, and live within the rules. So what does that mean, from everyday language you learn to live in a symbolic world. You share a language and from interaction, your symbols(called language) helps create a mind and a self. What does that mean to Holden?

Unfortunately, there is struggle and the winners are clever. They create societies that kill each other, but do not push the society down the drain. Most have false conscious view of themselves and others in a distorted way. It is tough at the top and Holden wants to be there, but he can’t do it. Take a snapshot of a week end in 1950. How far does he have to go to be there? Whatever, there means. Perhaps it is success, prestige job, money, and materialism. Holden may become the Vice President of Production, a bogus job that his Dad got for him.

Condoms

Birth control is not a sin after the war. There are exceptions, but families get smaller and you may have years of school to get a white collar job. However, the Americas of the 60’s is booming. The suburbs are being overwhelmed with houses that are white, pink, yellow and blue.

What helps of course is that all those other productive countries were directly in the war and are in shambles. So American corporations infiltrate other first world countries and make a ton of money. Cars got bigger. Many houses are now one salary and the mothers take their ambition out on their kids. In real dollars America is a giant. That means boom. Now remember the Greatest generation comes home as heroes and a new ideology blossoms. It is called “Americanism.” So what does that mean? The USA is the land of rugged individuals and they don’t need all those socialist’s supports.

Are you getting bored with this? Of course, Progress is the most important part of our history. If things are good in the 50’s they are going to be fantastic in the years ahead. Put on a happy face.

Folks liked pop psychology. A well adjusted American made a comfortable living, had well behaved kids, they knew enough of Freud to know if a person had an “inferior complex”. They could talk eloquently about Reisman’s “ inner directed”, “outer directed” , and “tradition directed.” However he did not say “outer directed” but “other directed”, and so folks that came after the westerns were “outer directed” weak knee phonies and frankly those who didn’t make it big were losers. So Holden could see that he was falling down. He flunks out of a prestige academy and spends a three day week end losing.

INTERMISSION

At this time, we need to give a short history of the book even though you can read it on the internet or related. Give a social profile or demographics of some of the various groups that he encounters.

Holden Caulfield is an upper middle class white male that has spent most of his life in eastern coastal cities. He flunked out of prep school and spends 3 miserable days with others including his sister. The genius of the book is that so many folks go through same situation. Death is years and years away. After his interactions, he decides to go back to the prep school or another like it. The genius of the author (J.D. Salinger) is how he tells the story. This book has sold millions of books and it deserves it.

He meets Nuns. In relative secret ceremony, Nuns marry Jesus in a secluded place in a holy area with a gate. The gate opens to a small cove. The young virgin is dressed in black. Nuns wear habits that are overwhelmingly hard to wear. They report to a Mother Superior. She manages both the school and the nunnery. Protestants are introduced to an area that is alien. This is 1950 and Catholics are having tons of kids. It appears that the Roman Catholic church will make incredible growth in the years ahead. Then in 1968, birth control was argued as everyday Catholics could see that their children now as an option rather than an aid to being able to pay the bills. The church made a bad call and other clerical mistakes like child molesting and their prestige was diminished. One still faced eternal damnation for missing mass but the awesome fear instilled in the children began to diminish. One could attend mass. Then move on with their lives. The church withered under social democratic countries. What was Catholic is now is public. One could go directly to pray to God rather than always attending mass. Numerous church scandals would emerge since 1950’s. Many sullen members can still remember the days of Pope John 23^rd. He was a breath of fresh air. After him, masses that were packed with parishioners diminished. Salinger now has introduced the reader about one of the largest forces in America in the 50’s. One could still brag about the number of kids at the Knights of Columbus meeting, but things were not the same.

Many women will tell you that growing up is not the same as growing old. The mark of the rubicon is 30 years old. Salinger introduces three thirty year old females and therefore one needs to talk about age.The thirty old females are not having a good time or bad. They are in a troubled age of fighting for youth. This is not the Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons who keeps getting YOUNGER. One can still put thousands of dollars into cosmetic surgery, however that is extremely expensive. Salinger is telling the over 30 year old reader that the wrinkle creams and other cosmetics is the choice of many. However, the aging process is increased with the stress of many families budget. This applies to half the population and now to males. What is over the cliff from the field of rye grass?. It is the grind of crying children and an aging beauty queen who may work or not, but she must look in her late 20’s. However, one is in a parent trap. Levittown is an area in Long Island. It is not part of New York City. The houses were made quickly and cheaply. Most were two story slabs that varied in color. There were few trees. The popularity of “Weeds” and the Pete Seeger of “Little Boxes” all made the same of ticky-tacky materials. So, you grow up and look at little boxes, a ton of kids, and a mate who is depressed. However, billions from other countries would love to live there. FDR created this area for returning World War 2 white veterans (who had shell shock or PSTD) and the 30 year old women in the bar introduced by author gives the flavor of “progress theory.” If it is great now you should see the future. Women should have a man before 30 years old. However, something good is going to happen.

Holden also looks out the window of his hotel room and sees a transvestite preparing to go out in the public. In the next window are a man and women in the buff spitting on each other. This reads like Goldman’s “Boys and Girls Together.” Caulfield feels sophisticated. What he is seeing in it’s own way is not sophisticated and not phony. Holden is seeing something that is real and is straight out of the Big City.

The real workers were successful and they had wives that would help them look successful or push them to get that new big picture window in the front of the house. HERE IS THE STORY. In “Normal Neurosis” success means that if you can get most people to like you, then you can like yourself. You can put in hours and hours of overtime and make it big. Year after year, the main culture wants success, prestige in a job, money, materialism, and an opportunity to beat out the neighbor. Holden is a bad bet. In the back of our mind, could Holden be us? We might fail and fall. So we can keep from failing by making risky business decisions, making little changes in the income tax returns, and have the best grass that is super green. One’ s house should be located in those special neighborhoods of brick and big trees. Levittown is a start. You may hate your job, but your possessions needs your income.

In a science fiction movie “Soylent Green” marginal humans are recycled to help grow more trees and food. The essence of the movie is not important. The movie was written years ago. The actors are living in America and it is 2022. As this being written, 2022 has come and gone. So what did the folks back there do? Well they walked around in space suits and they kept authoritarian order. The hero was a democrat and he wanted others to return the past. History goes back to the westerns that folks saw in the 50’s and one had it great. Then something went wrong and things turned bad. What about progress? It was just ahead once the folks won the war.

“Sunny” is a prostitute and she is an in-call pro. She wants 10 ten dollars for sex. Holden screws this up. He backs out. She is given 5 dollars to take off her dress and whisper dirty sexual terms to Holden. She wants more money. Prostitutes are usually female. The lowest on the ladder walk the streets. My father had a Laundromat in a white ghetto. Older prostitutes washed their clothes there, if the got a john or customer they would take him across the street in back of Tracodero’s bar give him an oral. Think “Bar Fly.”When a prostitute approaches me in the 60’s, it was hot outside and she was wearing thick wollen clothes. She worked for a communications company that kept the place cold. She approach me with how much fun postitutin is and I said that it was a hard way to live. She quickly left but picked another john and took him into the bathroom there in the hotel room. I have been hustled a number times and most were in my classes. A professor who was on my thesis committee had a mistress. This means they provide sex and do little things around the house. The wife does most of the work as well as taking care of the children.

Maurice (the pimp) returns with Sunny to get the other 5 dollars. He beats up Holden. Maurice is a pimp. Academia including the textbook that I was using portrayed a pimp as a caring big brother who watches over the prostitute. Having known some and including more contemporary documentaries, the pimp is right there on the bottom. In LEAVING LAS VEGAS, the pimp beats his women. Then he gets killed by the mob and our heroine fortunately leaves before she entered the hotel room She is gang banged by some 18 years olds. Later, they may have become insurance salesman.

In his trip from Pennysylvania to New Yor City, most of the story resides in down town New York called Manhattan. They livewith very rich folks and the young workers who assist the rich live in closets with a number of other people. Quality of life is debatable, however, if you are really rich it is neat place. In the riches areas have the most police as they are located as does the ghetto. If you want to take a walk, you must go in the daytime in Central Park or in Gramercy park which is private, and only the wealthy can interact there .Other places of interest are Greenwhich Vilage, Radio City, and other places for the wealthy. My son who lived and worked in New York city, finally is getting tired of the place. He works in an exlusive school and continues to do research there.The other broroughs are really something. However, there is suburbs in some of the islands. I was there in the 50’s and again in the early 60’ I didn’t like the city, but I was glad to have been there.

Holden liked his teachers. It some ways, it was like “Good Bye Mr. Chips.”However, they may be a predator seeking out sex from the women and the same for the young good looking men. Holden was sort of good looking. That is all. Most teachers now have an elaborate system of keeping teachers in areas where they can not touch the students. It is a good system. One of his teachers invited him to stay overnight only to find the instructor touching him in the middle of the night. Holden was out the door.

Boarding schools are something else . There is a big building with all that which is necessary right there on the campus. However a number have a campus and you can move from one place to another. If it is really cold and crummy, you can take a tunnel. My wife went to a school of which there was one student who stayed inside for an academic year. Her room mate is still her best friend today. They stay in touch. Tunnels at the right time of day one can see some couple groping each other in the shadows.

One school that I taught in had a tunnel that I never saw and never knew about. I was there for about 10 years. The next one was about 25 years. There was one door that appeared to be a closet. Before I retired, I got a universal key that could open the closet. Other faculty who stood around me were sure that I was wrong. So I opened the door of which there was a set of stairs that lead into to a tunnel and basement. It was very pleasant, seeing my fellow professor look down the stairs. Their faces changed into a frown and surprise.

In another part of town, there is a prestigous college of which no one can see any students walking to class. You could drive by as the college is on the main street. How can they keep up the school and the prestige when no one goes there? Tunnels. They have a lot of them and it is so easy to go from one building to another. So you knew that you can get to class with just books and note pads. And so it goes. It is now time for a summary.

CATCHER IN THE RYE is an account of an upper middle class white male that is failing and falling from his social class. He has poor social skills but he has a recurring thought that he can save little children who are free to run through tall rye grass and enjoy the future. They do not know that there is a steep cliff that the grass hides. The children are probably a projection of him and the cliff is adulthood. This is an account of 2 or 3 days of a week end in which life trajectory is probably downward for him. Many readers may have a bad short term experience like Holden has had. The book is not only a good read, but it is famous for being famous.

INTERMISSION 2

So we now arrive at stories about missed girl friends and his sister Pheobe. He finally goes to a theme park and let’s Pheobe ride a carousel.NOW the next few sentences at the end of the book tell it all or say nothing. I choose the first. As he is watching her his eyes dance. There is something about enduring and perhaps enjoy doing it. He is not his parents and he is going to be doing something for the rest of his life.

I have tried to tell you the story of a rich middle brow kid and his LOST week end. Salinger did an excellent job. Now it is time to call the story to an end. CATCHER IN THE RYE is something that in the back of one’s mind is left to the reader. About a million books are sold every year. Perhaps almost all of us have had some period where you think that it is all there. That Holden is going to get through it. He might have something good happen

About 4 times a year, I go to my psychiatrist and take a back road to home. Only one year, I missed the back road because my father-in-law died and I was attending his funeral. It was 2002. Afer the appointment to see the medical doctor.I missed seeing the young children playing soft ball on my way home. I could not see the children the next year because recess was changed and I never saw them play softball again. I do know that when I had a cardiac infarction and a near death, my father in law was right there to help into something very wonderful. I recall wearing bell bottoms, a sweater with a design on it straight out of the 1940’s. It was glorious. Then I was pulled back into a maze of white. All things hurt. My innards were hurting terribly . No one was scaring me or trying to hurt me. I cried out for HELP. This went on for about 48 hours. Externally, my family could see me grinding and trying to get help, but I was all tied up. I would rise up, ask for help and then fall back down on the bed that I was tied too.Then it was over and a few days later I went home.

Holden is those little kids and perhaps they are running through rye grass. What appears to be happening is a metaphor on top of another metaphor. I am watching them run through the rye grass. I don’t know what I don’t know. I pray for most to get there where there may be grass, but not a cliff.

So now we move forward with you about a future Holden . It is my fiction. The first was an introduction to Holden and his times. The second is where he goes through an ambivalent week end. The third is what Holden might do in the future.

Iintermission 3

DEAR BELOVED, WE GATHER TOGETHER TO CELEBRATE THE LIFE AND DEATH OF HOLDEN CAULFIELD. BORN IN 1933, HE HAS PASSED THIS WINTER OF 2025.WE PRAY THAT HE HAS GONE HOME AND LIVES WITH THE BLESSED. WE BELIEVE, THAT SOONER OF LATER, ALL WILL FIND THAT HOME. MAY HIS FAMILY GRIEVE AND SOON RETURN TO THEIR FAMILIES AND HOMES. HOLDEN WAS VERY PRIVATE, BUT HE WAS A GOOD PERSON TO KNOW AND ENJOY LIFE. GOD HAVE MERCY ON US ALL.

Most were dressed in black and there were very few at his funeral. His ashes were placed in a small metal box and just below his tombstone. He was 92. He came to Park Rapids, Minnesota after moving from Pensylvania to Lake McBride in the middle of Cedar Rapids and Iowa City. Iowans were the other brother of Wisconsin and Minnesota. Due to a need for more steady job, He moved to Nevis and then onto Park Rapids. He worked as a custodian in FULLER’S TACKLE SHOP. When there was an empty cottage, he would rent one at Weigelwood Resort on Two Inlet Lakes. The resort was on a peninsula and it was not that far from Estes State Park. This is where the Mississippi starts and at one spot, you can walk across the river.

For Weigelwood Resort, there is an interesting story there. One of the previous owners had a furniture store and a faux home in the store. You could go into the store and even go a portion of the second floor. Continously, they would change furniture and the house in the store. This person picked Weigelwood as a break from work. He was located in St. Joseph, Mo. Thus he had relatives and others use the lake.The resort is alive and well along with Brookside, Cone Cove, Woestes and others.

Holden did not return to Pency Prep, however he returned to another boarding school nearby. It took another three years to graduate and he finally got the knowledge to pass a G.E.D. He then returned home and stayed hidden in the basement. There he wrote letters to schools all over the country for a college or university that had a legacy option. That means he got a lot of tutoring and they had a legacy program . If his parents would donate to a certain fund, Holden could graduate with a Bachelor of General Studies. He stayed another year with his parents, and late at night he cleaned a Pizza Hut with Tuesday and Friday off work.

Cacther in the Rye begins in 1949 and he is 15 years old. He spent 7 years at Windall College in Mississippi. He stayed by himself most of the time. He was able (for a price) to have his own room in the dorm. His concern was what he was going to do after graduation.

He had an eye on one girl Beaulah Jean Jenson, but was too bashful to ask her out. So he had his mother call the mother of Beaulah and ask her to the Senior prom. So Holden’s mother made a long distance call to Mrs.Jenson. In so many words, his mother would make the contract for the date. Holden’s mother said that Holden would like to take Beaulah Jean to the senior prom. There was a pause and Mrs. Jensen said that Beaulah did not know a Holden Caulfield. Holden’s mom offered $65.00 and again there was a quiet interlude. So Mrs. Cauldfield said how about $75.00? Now things started moving. Beaulah would have to get a new dress for the date and Mrs. Caulfield would pay for that. Further, Mrs. Jensen would chaperone the date and all talk would be in third person. So Holden had to rent a car, pick up the two and talk to Beaulah through her mother.

The night of the date, Holden picked up the two and Mrs. Jensen wanted to hear polka music. Holden living in the south should like country and western, but he liked big band music. His favorite was Les Elgart especially the tune “Soon.” He also liked the Four Freshman. However, she turned to a station that played Polka Joe. To make matters worse, Holden had a large pimple on his nose. The blemish had matured and was ready to be popped. What should he do? The tip of the pimple was a bright yellow surround by a special super red foundation. It also did not help that Holden had a protruding nose. An easy surgery, he could not afford one so that along with his shyness made it hard for a date. Last, he could not do “small talk.” His favorite topic was musgrats.

Beaulah could sense that he was suffering and carried the conversation to her mother and then the mother would talk to Holden. After they arrived Holden parked the car and escorted the two into the dance. Unfortunately, they only had tickets for two. Holden then searched his wallet and bought another ticket. However, it was not enough. The ticket was for two more people. Holden did not have money for two so he had to ask Mrs. Jensen (through) Beaulah so that he was paying for four people.

All of this would mean that he could not afford the ginger-ale or the soggy popcorn. He thought that Mrs. Jensen would hide in some corner and allow the date to go on. However, Mrs. Jensen went with the two and had a transistor radio of which one could hear polka music. The radio was parked in her lap. One could buy alcohol if you were of age. Holden excused himself and head for the bar. There he had two quick drinks and told the bar keep that he would pay him the next day. The bartender and Holden shared a friend so the transaction was conducted.

Once he got back to the seat he got braver and talked DIRECTLY to Beaulah Jean. Mrs. Jensen became irrated and turned the talk to dermatology. Holden was at a loss. So during an intermission he went into the men’s room and popped the the pimple on his nose. It splattered all over the mirror and the other males in the room moved away or left the john. Now his nose was dripping with blood and reidue. It slowly resovled itself and was able to put some borrowed make up on the nose so as it all dried a red dusty flesh. His nose now looked even larger. He went to the bar, got another drink, and headed for the car. Beaulah Jean and her mother relaxed after they discovered that Holden had left.

They listened to Eddy Haddah and his band The Renown. He ended with “Cecilia” and the lights went on in dance floor of Peony Park. Holden would not go on another date for years.

Holden joined Alpha Alpha Alpha. It had over 100 members and did not have a fraternity house. The tri Alpha’s major rival was Epsilon, Epislon,Epsilon. The tri Alpha’s and their rival would travel together on spring vacation to the town of “Heroes ad Villans” a border town. There they enjoyed seeing the live sex that was conducted on the stage. The towns survival was brothels and the bar. A young lady would get on the stage with a very young man. There she seduced him and once their activities were completed they got a tremendous and raucus applause.

There was a special event after the show. A torch was lit and behind the bar a young lady became intimate with a donkey. Jesus wept, but the two fraternities had something that tied them together. Heroes and Villains as people filled the bar and was the name of the tavern. A real historical tragedy was a gun fight between two factions and thus the name of the bar. Late at night folks would testify that there was a ghost of a young innocent Spanish and American girl who was killed in the rain of bullets between the two groups. These low lifes not only killed each other, but killed the original folks who owned the land. Over and above this history, commercial sex was the money maker in this border town.

MOVIES

There was something else that brought the two fraternity together. They were able to watch movies that they got from the police. They arrested an individual who had them in his possession. The first reel was called “Colored People” It was a shock for the freshman, but in the Order of Porn, two beautiful, light brown folk made love out of affection . Although the group of young males were in shock, one could see that it was something that was loving and nice for the first reel.

“Mother and Daughter” was the second. This was lust. Daughter and a tattooed sailor did sex. Mom watched. Whatever else completed, this was the most popular. The third did not have a name but a guy beat and raped a woman. The last were women that sat in front of a male ejaculator and received a heavy blob of sperm on their face. Holden was in shock, but he was not smart enough to drink heavily to cut the anxiety.

Windall College did not attract very talented teachers save one. However, Dr. Hillsdale was an incredible professor. You wanted to go to his class. Although he had a soothing baritone voice, he had EXAMPLES. A number of teachers tell the class about a concept and then on the spot give some kind of example. Hillsdale had all kinds of stories that were not only interesting, it helped you remember the concept.

One time, he was going to lecture on Freud’s Defense Mechanisms. Before class a confederate student would march in and tell us that Dr. Hillsdale would be late by 15 minutes. However, today there would be a 50 point quiz (a third of the class grade) on the current chapter in the text tbook . Holden was unnerved. Fifteen minutes later Dr. Hillsdale started lecturing on Freud and how most of us used one or more of these emotional strategies to deal with a sizable part of the points in the class. One doesn’t forget something like that.

On another time, he had given us a mid-term exam in which the first five multiple choice questions were incredibly hard. About the questions, each had a very difficult response. Not only were they complicated, but hard. Then you would return to each question that had a question within the question. Holden shook. Then on the next page of the test, one discovers that first five questions would not evaluate a person’s knowledge of the test. It was strategies like that in which the class would remember the concept,

At the other end of the spectrum, one professor used the same indexical expressions as seques to the next section. His was “anda” To stay awake. The notes that he read from became a slow moving mantra filled sysllablic sentences the put one to sleep.I still have a few scars inside my mouth. The biting inside hurt and one would wake up. Further, some would ask questions that would have an answer on the next page. He could not answer the question until we got to that page.

Basically, Holden is beginning to become middle age. He lives in a basement apartment in Park Rapids, Minnesota. He essentially cleans Fuller’s Tackle Shop and Mystic Pizza. He also shovels walkways. He listens to an old AM radio and plays solitare the card game.He has a mysterious background and no one is sure what it is. However, most don’t talk to him, but through him. Both life and death are faraway.

Holden tells most that he is a bastard child from a prominent family from Finland. His mother moved to the United States in the early 40’s. In other words, she is a back door relative to a semi-royal family. His mother picks the name Caulfield and moves all over. For most of his life he works on various projects and then moves on. He stays in Park Rapids, because for about 5 months one can see the lakes and enjoy them. He also likes to read. It is mainly tabloid. By the way, Park Rapids has a lot of activities during the cold months. There are many events and festivals and beyond the standard seasons, there is a 5^th season and it is in the cold months.

After the Minneapolis schools take their summer breaks as does other states. the town becomes crowded with tourists. So you really have 2 towns in one location. So he would rent an overnight at Weigelwood and when the roads were clear he could have dinner at the Brookside Resort restruant.

The world is waiting for the sunrise…it is my heart calling for a mate and sleepy and sunny days. The sun is so fine and now I’m fine, one days falls over the next. Days become shorter and I want to live with you. Wouldn’t it be nice to live together in a world where we belong, wouldn’t it be nice to stay together as the day by day bring joy and happiness. Wouldn’ it be nice. So we can hope and pray that the music will bring us together and we can be together. Wouldn’t it be nice?

Holden would sing a song like that hoping that someone would come to his side. He loved to hum when people were around him, but once he was alone he would sing the words. The song(s) were never quite the same but they came from somewhere and he loved them.

So the years go by and Holden would cry about the days that had passed and as he was living year in and year out Holden could see so many changes. The thing he remembers the most is the presidents of the United States. All of them made their promises, but after Vietnam and Reagonomics, something started movijng downward. America seemed more coarsened and abrupt. The elections were pretty ugly. He was a very little boy when FDR was in office. Then he was followed by Truman, Ike, Kennedy, Johnson, followed by Nixon,Ford, Carter, Reagan, Spmething seemed off. Bush, Clinton, Bush, Obama, Trump, Biden, all seemed the same. That colored fellow seemed pretty smart and he liked him. However, each had something to give.

In and around the 2^nd of August, Holden had a day off. He felt incredible. He felt great, but not high. At his age, he did not usually go on the lake, but today was different. He drove to Weigelwood and rented a boat and motor.The boat went slow because Holden was in his 90’s. He did drive a speed boat at one time, but now he wanted to take in all lthe woods that surrounded the lake so he took a motor boat.

At a sand bar that divided the lake, he parked the boat and walked into the woods. Then came an incredible pain in his chest just under the sternum. Holden couldn’t breathe well and he turned on his side. He laid on the ground and a white light seemed to surround him, and he could not move. After about a half hour, he was looking straight into the face of a goat. The animal sniffed him for awhile and then retreated.

Holden felt that this was the end and though he was not famous, he was common and lived by most of rules of society. The light went dark and then again light. He was able to see his body from a short elevation, but across the lake was a gathering of little kids who were running across the lake toward Holden. A little girl with a red balloon was leading the other children and then they froze. The sky went purple, there was a big moon, and his soul went into the heavens.

His body was found the next day. The little children from the rye evaporated.

Joel Charles Snell